In my many years of starting and leading singles ministries, the most frequent question I get is, “Why hasn’t God brought me someone yet?” They feel they have done everything God has asked them to do. They are in church regularly, reading their Bible, serving, debt-free, healthy, and in shape. They think I have a crystal ball and can just look into it and know the answer. But the reality is, I don’t. All the more reason we need Intentional Relationships for Single study.
For some singles I meet, it’s obvious what the problem is, from the way they dress and groom themselves, to how they communicate, to unresolved issues, and immaturity. But for those who appear healthy, in love with Jesus and sold out for Him, it’s a tough one.
I wonder, “Lord, why haven’t you brought them a spouse? They seem healthy. Wait a minute! Why haven’t you brought me a spouse?”
Hmm, maybe the answer is more complex. Maybe it’s about an incredible calling of sacrificing my possible, maybe, almost amazing, future marriage and family. Maybe He has called me, like most, to marriage. Has it possibly not happened because of my own junk that I haven’t dealt with? Hmm, and if this is so, then what am I supposed to do about it? I had to confront it, pray, and ask God’s Spirit to show me the areas of my life that still needed help or change.
This journey of personal change led to starting a ministry called “Pray for a Mate™” — a monthly prayer group for those who are serious about praying, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal issues in their own life that need to be changed so you would not only be better prepared for marriage but healthier in the process. But also allowing you time to accept the possibility that God may want to keep you single. I will share more about Pray for a Mate in chapter 10 and how you/your church can start your own group.
After my divorce I didn’t know if I would ever be married again. I had a lot of pain and confusion. But deep in my heart, I wanted someone in my life who I could love and who would love me back. A person who I could share my life with me. Even though I was married before, I had missed some of this. However, my dating life didn’t seem to indicate I would be married again.
When I talk with singles who have lost a spouse or have been through a divorce, many tell me they aren’t interested in dating or another marriage. However, I have seen many of these same people in a dating relationship when they thought the right person came along, some within a year of telling me this.
In my experience, most people in Christian circles are open to a loving, committed marriage. It’s just that they are sometimes still hurting, feel unprepared, feel awkward about looking around, or they have lost hope because of their circumstances. Well over 90 percent of the people I have talked to in singles ministry would be open to a marriage if the right person came along.
“Kris spoke to us about Intentional Friendship, which helped me see how to date in God’s way that was honoring to Him. My husband and I went through Kris’s Intentional Friendship model, and we are now married. We were able to ask each other important questions to see if we were going on the same path and if our lives would fit one another in marriage. I am thankful for Kris’s wisdom that has helped us go from Intentional Friendship to a relationship, then marriage.