Can Doctrinal Differences Make You Unequally Yoked?
by Kris Swiatocho
Question: A friend told me that having doctrinal differences in a relationship means we are "unequally yoked." Is that true? Can doctrinal differences be a red flag?
Answer: It all depends on what those doctrinal differences are. Let's assume that you are both Christians, saved and following the Lord daily. You are both going to church, reading your Bibles, studying, serving, and so forth. So, it appears you are equally yoked. But after dating for a while, you realize you have some differences in your spiritual beliefs.
Maybe you found out they believe it's essential to be submerged during baptism, while you think it's okay to be sprinkled. As a result, you want them to be submerged to know they are really saved.
Maybe you believe women should not be in leadership in the church and should only be wives and mothers. As a result, you find yourself in heated discussions of women's roles with nothing resolved.
Maybe you believe salvation is when you are a baby and are baptized, and not when you can understand and verbally accept Christ as your Savior. As a result, you find yourself divided and heading in different directions.
Maybe you believe certain gifts of the Spirit are not used today. As a result, your personal growth in Christ is affected, leaving one of you behind.
So, does this mean you are not equally yoked?
Here's the thing: I believe as long as the doctrinal differences do not affect my eternal salvation, I am OK. I believe you can only get to God through Jesus and his death on the cross by acknowledging that you need Christ to save you (as someone of age to make this decision). That once saved, always saved; otherwise, Jesus would need to die on the cross over and over. Whether you sprinkle or dunk, wear a dress or pants to church, read only the King James Bible, dance and move around in church, or sit still are not factors for me.
But please know this is why you spend time with people first as friends, and then build an "Intentional Friendship" (Chapters 9-10 of the Intentional Relationship for Singles Bible Study). When you are friends first, you can ask those questions and many more about their beliefs. Not only in what you believe spiritually, but also in money, goals, raising kids, work, hobbies, and more. And you can also go to God in prayer about those differences. Will those differences divide you or unify you? Although some of our doctrinal beliefs may not be a big deal to some, they are huge to others because they will affect their entire lives. The person you date, the person you marry, needs to be aligned with you so that you have spiritual unity and are also aligned on how you would raise your kids, grow your marriage, and lead others around you.
Note: Unequally yoked in a spiritual sense means a believer and an unbeliever. But there are plenty of issues that can be irreconcilable, making a couple incompatible.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more about dating, friendship, and intentional friendship. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
Question: A friend told me that having doctrinal differences in a relationship means we are "unequally yoked." Is that true? Can doctrinal differences be a red flag?
Answer: It all depends on what those doctrinal differences are. Let's assume that you are both Christians, saved and following the Lord daily. You are both going to church, reading your Bibles, studying, serving, and so forth. So, it appears you are equally yoked. But after dating for a while, you realize you have some differences in your spiritual beliefs.
Maybe you found out they believe it's essential to be submerged during baptism, while you think it's okay to be sprinkled. As a result, you want them to be submerged to know they are really saved.
Maybe you believe women should not be in leadership in the church and should only be wives and mothers. As a result, you find yourself in heated discussions of women's roles with nothing resolved.
Maybe you believe salvation is when you are a baby and are baptized, and not when you can understand and verbally accept Christ as your Savior. As a result, you find yourself divided and heading in different directions.
Maybe you believe certain gifts of the Spirit are not used today. As a result, your personal growth in Christ is affected, leaving one of you behind.
So, does this mean you are not equally yoked?
Here's the thing: I believe as long as the doctrinal differences do not affect my eternal salvation, I am OK. I believe you can only get to God through Jesus and his death on the cross by acknowledging that you need Christ to save you (as someone of age to make this decision). That once saved, always saved; otherwise, Jesus would need to die on the cross over and over. Whether you sprinkle or dunk, wear a dress or pants to church, read only the King James Bible, dance and move around in church, or sit still are not factors for me.
But please know this is why you spend time with people first as friends, and then build an "Intentional Friendship" (Chapters 9-10 of the Intentional Relationship for Singles Bible Study). When you are friends first, you can ask those questions and many more about their beliefs. Not only in what you believe spiritually, but also in money, goals, raising kids, work, hobbies, and more. And you can also go to God in prayer about those differences. Will those differences divide you or unify you? Although some of our doctrinal beliefs may not be a big deal to some, they are huge to others because they will affect their entire lives. The person you date, the person you marry, needs to be aligned with you so that you have spiritual unity and are also aligned on how you would raise your kids, grow your marriage, and lead others around you.
Note: Unequally yoked in a spiritual sense means a believer and an unbeliever. But there are plenty of issues that can be irreconcilable, making a couple incompatible.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more about dating, friendship, and intentional friendship. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
|
|
|