Is Hope Clouding My Vision?
by Kris Swiatocho
Question: I'm not sure what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and I am uncertain whether he is God's pick for me. He says he knows Christ, but his actions don't match. I am so stressed and in agony because I truly love him. But deep down inside, I think God has other plans for my life. There have been many red flags, from his constant pressure to have sex with him to his choice of work as a bartender. It's not that tending bar is such a big deal to me, but he often stays after work, gets drunk, and then calls me to come and get him. I don't know what to do. Should I let him go or confront him about his behavior, which doesn't align with his belief in Christ?
Answer: Thanks for your letter and your cry for help. I will cut to the chase because I am concerned for you. I, too, have been where you are, and all I can say is: run, girl, run. Yes, it is a "duh" moment because you know in your heart that this guy isn't right for you. Please know God is not going to bless sin, and God would not bring someone like this to you, in my opinion, to cause you to sin. I can tell you love him, but wouldn't you prefer to love someone who truly loves you in Christ?
I need to ask - do you know the Lord as your personal Savior? If you do, you should also know that God desires us to date/marry those with whom we are equally yoked. Those who are spiritually where we are not only in what we believe but in how we live our lives. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
I know you say your boyfriend says he is a believer, but you are also aware that his actions do not match his "belief." Remember, even the devil believes. Actions will follow your faith… faith follows trust in Christ. To me, your boyfriend does not sound saved. God's word in Luke 6:44 says that we will know others by their fruits. A man who loves God would not try to get you into bed. He would not be getting drunk. Please understand, I am not saying that as a Christian, you won't struggle in areas, especially if you are a new Christian. What I am saying is that if he is telling you he is a follower of Christ, his actions need to show this. While you can confront and tell him this, and he could change, it might not do any good. So be prepared if things end.
Oh, and for the future, maybe I recommend you read and do my Bible study, Intentional Relationship for Singles. It's a great study to help you know who you are in Christ before entering a dating relationship. It will also teach you about having an Intentional Friendship™ first. If you had had this friendship with your boyfriend first, you would have never dated him, protecting your heart and body. I will join you in prayer for your next step, and hopefully, he will be open to following the Lord with his whole heart without continuing to damage yours.
To learn more about this topic, order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week study today.
Question: I'm not sure what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and I am uncertain whether he is God's pick for me. He says he knows Christ, but his actions don't match. I am so stressed and in agony because I truly love him. But deep down inside, I think God has other plans for my life. There have been many red flags, from his constant pressure to have sex with him to his choice of work as a bartender. It's not that tending bar is such a big deal to me, but he often stays after work, gets drunk, and then calls me to come and get him. I don't know what to do. Should I let him go or confront him about his behavior, which doesn't align with his belief in Christ?
Answer: Thanks for your letter and your cry for help. I will cut to the chase because I am concerned for you. I, too, have been where you are, and all I can say is: run, girl, run. Yes, it is a "duh" moment because you know in your heart that this guy isn't right for you. Please know God is not going to bless sin, and God would not bring someone like this to you, in my opinion, to cause you to sin. I can tell you love him, but wouldn't you prefer to love someone who truly loves you in Christ?
I need to ask - do you know the Lord as your personal Savior? If you do, you should also know that God desires us to date/marry those with whom we are equally yoked. Those who are spiritually where we are not only in what we believe but in how we live our lives. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
I know you say your boyfriend says he is a believer, but you are also aware that his actions do not match his "belief." Remember, even the devil believes. Actions will follow your faith… faith follows trust in Christ. To me, your boyfriend does not sound saved. God's word in Luke 6:44 says that we will know others by their fruits. A man who loves God would not try to get you into bed. He would not be getting drunk. Please understand, I am not saying that as a Christian, you won't struggle in areas, especially if you are a new Christian. What I am saying is that if he is telling you he is a follower of Christ, his actions need to show this. While you can confront and tell him this, and he could change, it might not do any good. So be prepared if things end.
Oh, and for the future, maybe I recommend you read and do my Bible study, Intentional Relationship for Singles. It's a great study to help you know who you are in Christ before entering a dating relationship. It will also teach you about having an Intentional Friendship™ first. If you had had this friendship with your boyfriend first, you would have never dated him, protecting your heart and body. I will join you in prayer for your next step, and hopefully, he will be open to following the Lord with his whole heart without continuing to damage yours.
To learn more about this topic, order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week study today.
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