Overcoming Blindspots
Portions of the content taken from Intentional Relationships For Singles, Chapter 5: Overcoming Blind Spots, Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
What is a Blind Spot?
A blind spot is an area of your life that you don’t see. You may be saying, “I don’t have any blind spots.” Well, I hate to tell you this, but by definition, you won’t see them. They are there. Trust me. In fact, your family or friends may know what they are. Over time, through self-discovery, you may have fewer of them, but there are always others. It has to do with self-awareness.
Dan says:
My parents are in their early nineties and still driving. They have done extremely well with staying safe. But as they have aged, their reflexes and awareness have slowed. This has led to some nervous moments when driving with them. They recently purchased a car with amazing features that help with potential blind spots. When a car is next to them and out of the side-view mirror range, a sensor detects it and beeps. When another vehicle is too close in front of them, the car senses it, beeps, and even slows down. It also senses if they are drifting out of their lane, beeps, and corrects the car back into the lane. The technology is impressive. But the reality is, all of this technology is to remind them of their blind spots or awareness gaps so they do not get into an accident. I’m grateful for the technology because I know it's much safer, as are those around it.
In our lives, we have blind spots. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a warning system if you were about to get hurt in a relationship? Wouldn’t you love it if you could avoid making a mistake you would later regret? There are some steps you can take to help with your blind spots. Let’s look at some common blind spots people have in their lives.
How do you identify possible Blind Spots?
Blind spots are usually discovered by seeing symptoms. Have you ever had a bruise and couldn’t remember how it happened? You may have bumped into something, and it didn’t register as something memorable in your life, but it left a mark. Blind spots are like that. There is a lingering effect, but we don’t always know or remember what might have led to it. The list below represents some examples of blind spots. These are the symptoms of something you are not aware of in your relationships. As you go through the list, see if you can identify with any of these in your own life.
• Friendships—Your friendships deepen quickly, and you feel very close to someone, but then they seem to fizzle. Or you seem to have a lot of short-term friends but have trouble keeping them for long. You only feel comfortable with friends of the same sex. You only feel comfortable with friends of the opposite sex.
• Dating--People may repeatedly break up with you, or you break up with them. Although you would love to find and date someone, you feel frustrated and have given up. You have identified the problem with your dating life, and it’s everyone else, not you.
• Conflict—You hate confrontation. You seem to repeatedly have trouble resolving conflict. Even though you’re not happy about something in a relationship, you go along to get along. You find yourself blowing up about things in different relationships. You don’t have the patience to work through conflict with others.
• Emotions—You try your hardest to avoid emotions. You fear losing control when you feel certain emotions. You find people are afraid of you or avoid you because of your emotions or outbursts. You have a hard time identifying how you feel about relationships, life events, losses, or setbacks.
• Gender—You just don’t seem to understand the opposite sex. You see eye rolls from the opposite sex when you share your “wisdom” about them. You make blanket statements about the opposite sex, but they seem to disagree. You feel uncomfortable around the opposite sex.
• Work—You believe you are doing a good job; you show up on time; you stay over; you are willing to take on projects others reject, but you don’t understand why co-workers are promoted over you when you feel you are the most qualified and most committed.
• Social—You hear about parties and gatherings, but you rarely seem to get an invitation. Why aren’t you getting invited? If you do get invited, you feel awkward and don’t know why.
• Singing—You believe you sing like Frank Sinatra or Beyoncé, but Simon Cowell just said your singing sounds like the mating call of a Tibetan yak. OK, this may not be a problem most of us have, but you get the point.
Not knowing what is true about ourselves can impact our relationships. You could have blind spots in appearance, hygiene, leadership, culture, education, goal-setting, finances, parenting, spinach in your teeth, and so much more.
To read more about Blind Spots, including steps to overcome them, be sure to purchase your own “Intentional Relationships for Singles” 12- week study.
What is a Blind Spot?
A blind spot is an area of your life that you don’t see. You may be saying, “I don’t have any blind spots.” Well, I hate to tell you this, but by definition, you won’t see them. They are there. Trust me. In fact, your family or friends may know what they are. Over time, through self-discovery, you may have fewer of them, but there are always others. It has to do with self-awareness.
Dan says:
My parents are in their early nineties and still driving. They have done extremely well with staying safe. But as they have aged, their reflexes and awareness have slowed. This has led to some nervous moments when driving with them. They recently purchased a car with amazing features that help with potential blind spots. When a car is next to them and out of the side-view mirror range, a sensor detects it and beeps. When another vehicle is too close in front of them, the car senses it, beeps, and even slows down. It also senses if they are drifting out of their lane, beeps, and corrects the car back into the lane. The technology is impressive. But the reality is, all of this technology is to remind them of their blind spots or awareness gaps so they do not get into an accident. I’m grateful for the technology because I know it's much safer, as are those around it.
In our lives, we have blind spots. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a warning system if you were about to get hurt in a relationship? Wouldn’t you love it if you could avoid making a mistake you would later regret? There are some steps you can take to help with your blind spots. Let’s look at some common blind spots people have in their lives.
How do you identify possible Blind Spots?
Blind spots are usually discovered by seeing symptoms. Have you ever had a bruise and couldn’t remember how it happened? You may have bumped into something, and it didn’t register as something memorable in your life, but it left a mark. Blind spots are like that. There is a lingering effect, but we don’t always know or remember what might have led to it. The list below represents some examples of blind spots. These are the symptoms of something you are not aware of in your relationships. As you go through the list, see if you can identify with any of these in your own life.
• Friendships—Your friendships deepen quickly, and you feel very close to someone, but then they seem to fizzle. Or you seem to have a lot of short-term friends but have trouble keeping them for long. You only feel comfortable with friends of the same sex. You only feel comfortable with friends of the opposite sex.
• Dating--People may repeatedly break up with you, or you break up with them. Although you would love to find and date someone, you feel frustrated and have given up. You have identified the problem with your dating life, and it’s everyone else, not you.
• Conflict—You hate confrontation. You seem to repeatedly have trouble resolving conflict. Even though you’re not happy about something in a relationship, you go along to get along. You find yourself blowing up about things in different relationships. You don’t have the patience to work through conflict with others.
• Emotions—You try your hardest to avoid emotions. You fear losing control when you feel certain emotions. You find people are afraid of you or avoid you because of your emotions or outbursts. You have a hard time identifying how you feel about relationships, life events, losses, or setbacks.
• Gender—You just don’t seem to understand the opposite sex. You see eye rolls from the opposite sex when you share your “wisdom” about them. You make blanket statements about the opposite sex, but they seem to disagree. You feel uncomfortable around the opposite sex.
• Work—You believe you are doing a good job; you show up on time; you stay over; you are willing to take on projects others reject, but you don’t understand why co-workers are promoted over you when you feel you are the most qualified and most committed.
• Social—You hear about parties and gatherings, but you rarely seem to get an invitation. Why aren’t you getting invited? If you do get invited, you feel awkward and don’t know why.
• Singing—You believe you sing like Frank Sinatra or Beyoncé, but Simon Cowell just said your singing sounds like the mating call of a Tibetan yak. OK, this may not be a problem most of us have, but you get the point.
Not knowing what is true about ourselves can impact our relationships. You could have blind spots in appearance, hygiene, leadership, culture, education, goal-setting, finances, parenting, spinach in your teeth, and so much more.
To read more about Blind Spots, including steps to overcome them, be sure to purchase your own “Intentional Relationships for Singles” 12- week study.
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