Is Kissing Before Marriage a Sin?
by Kris Swiatocho
Question: A friend of mine was recently scolded by his girlfriend (they are both in their 30s) for asking if he could kiss her. They have seen each other very seriously for a while, and he has wanted some indication of her affection for him. But when he asked to kiss her, his dedication to God was questioned, and the young woman made him feel like slime. Is this a generational thing I've missed out on? Is kissing before marriage a sin?
Answer: Wow, my first thought is how great this is! I wish I were a kiss virgin. I wish I had saved all my kisses for the "one," but I haven't. Bummer!
Then I thought, really? Are they Amish? Are they part of a denomination that frowns on kissing? Indeed, if this guy had been seeing her for some time, the subject would have come up. My friends and I talk about it from time to time. I have shared that I would like to save my next kiss for the altar. However, I am not sure I can. I just don't know if my hormones would last that long. Well, I guess I could get married after my first date... but that brings up many other issues.
My friends, the ones closest to me, know I will not have sex or anything that even looks close to it before I marry. They know how important it is to me to save myself for my future husband. If my friends know this about me, I wonder how this woman's boyfriend was surprised to find she wanted to wait to kiss her!
Everyone is different when it comes to kissing before marriage. More than likely, if the person has been raised to date only those who are potential marriage material, then kissing is something you would want only for the "one." It's one thing to peck someone’s lips, but to French kiss can take you to a new level of intimacy. The intimacy often leads to other things.
Recently, I attended one of my best friends’ weddings. This was her second marriage; she had been divorced for more than 15 years. This was his first marriage. Both of them are in their late forties. Early in their friendship, before they started dating, she told him that she didn’t want to kiss him till their wedding day. At first, he was like, " What? " Seriously? She told him that in the past, all her kissing led to other things. For the first time, as a believer in Christ, she wanted to protect her body, her mind, and her walk with God. She knew that if they truly loved each other in Christ, waiting to kiss on their wedding day would make it memorable and allow them to share intimacy on their honeymoon that few couples today have. Well, did they make it? I was there when I heard you could kiss your wife now. I thought I was going to need a stopwatch. It went on and on and on. Lol.
So don't worry, not everyone feels this way. It is something you can find out about a person while you are friends. This is why Pastor Dan Houk and I, who write Intentional Relationships, encourage being an “intentional friend” first. This is the period when you are more than friends but not dating. A time when you can ask all those questions way before your emotions get involved and before you get hurt. This period can help you avoid making assumptions about the other person.
Now, as far as how she treated him, that tells me of her immaturity. I mean, he asked her because he does respect her. Her reaction is way overblown, and perhaps she is not ready to be married, to begin with.
Psalm 139:23-24Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more about dating, friendship, and intentional friendship. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
Question: A friend of mine was recently scolded by his girlfriend (they are both in their 30s) for asking if he could kiss her. They have seen each other very seriously for a while, and he has wanted some indication of her affection for him. But when he asked to kiss her, his dedication to God was questioned, and the young woman made him feel like slime. Is this a generational thing I've missed out on? Is kissing before marriage a sin?
Answer: Wow, my first thought is how great this is! I wish I were a kiss virgin. I wish I had saved all my kisses for the "one," but I haven't. Bummer!
Then I thought, really? Are they Amish? Are they part of a denomination that frowns on kissing? Indeed, if this guy had been seeing her for some time, the subject would have come up. My friends and I talk about it from time to time. I have shared that I would like to save my next kiss for the altar. However, I am not sure I can. I just don't know if my hormones would last that long. Well, I guess I could get married after my first date... but that brings up many other issues.
My friends, the ones closest to me, know I will not have sex or anything that even looks close to it before I marry. They know how important it is to me to save myself for my future husband. If my friends know this about me, I wonder how this woman's boyfriend was surprised to find she wanted to wait to kiss her!
Everyone is different when it comes to kissing before marriage. More than likely, if the person has been raised to date only those who are potential marriage material, then kissing is something you would want only for the "one." It's one thing to peck someone’s lips, but to French kiss can take you to a new level of intimacy. The intimacy often leads to other things.
Recently, I attended one of my best friends’ weddings. This was her second marriage; she had been divorced for more than 15 years. This was his first marriage. Both of them are in their late forties. Early in their friendship, before they started dating, she told him that she didn’t want to kiss him till their wedding day. At first, he was like, " What? " Seriously? She told him that in the past, all her kissing led to other things. For the first time, as a believer in Christ, she wanted to protect her body, her mind, and her walk with God. She knew that if they truly loved each other in Christ, waiting to kiss on their wedding day would make it memorable and allow them to share intimacy on their honeymoon that few couples today have. Well, did they make it? I was there when I heard you could kiss your wife now. I thought I was going to need a stopwatch. It went on and on and on. Lol.
So don't worry, not everyone feels this way. It is something you can find out about a person while you are friends. This is why Pastor Dan Houk and I, who write Intentional Relationships, encourage being an “intentional friend” first. This is the period when you are more than friends but not dating. A time when you can ask all those questions way before your emotions get involved and before you get hurt. This period can help you avoid making assumptions about the other person.
Now, as far as how she treated him, that tells me of her immaturity. I mean, he asked her because he does respect her. Her reaction is way overblown, and perhaps she is not ready to be married, to begin with.
Psalm 139:23-24Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more about dating, friendship, and intentional friendship. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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