Why Intentional Friendship™ First
by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
In today’s world, culture says, “Go for what you want. Follow your heart. If it feels good, it must be right.” Dating has become instant, with fast connections and often very little foundation.
Too many singles jump in emotionally or physically before truly getting to know the person. We call it “dating,” but in truth, we’re skipping the most essential step: Intentional Friendship™.
Without that foundation, we often get too close, too soon, only to end up confused and hurt, carrying emotional scars into the next relationship.
Top Dating Errors Christian Singles Make
1. Getting Emotionally Attached Too Fast
You meet, you click, and suddenly you’re texting daily, imagining a future, and sharing your heart—before trust has even been built. Intentional Friendship™ helps you guard your heart and give your emotions time to catch up with reality. Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
2. Confusing Chemistry with Compatibility
Yes, there may be attraction—but do you share the same faith, values, life goals, and spiritual direction? Chemistry fades. Spiritual alignment lasts. 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”
3. Skipping the Friendship Stage
Jumping from strangers to dating overnight means missing the chance to see how someone lives out their faith, handles conflict, or treats others in community. Moving too fast—emotionally, physically, or relationally—clouds judgment and leads to heartache. Deep friendship allows you to see who someone truly is, beyond “date mode.” It also teaches you to trust God's timing rather than your own. Proverbs 19:2 – “Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!”
4. Making the Relationship Your Identity
When your identity becomes wrapped up in who you're dating rather than who you are in Christ, it sets the stage for insecurity and confusion. Don’t date to fix a broken heart or fill an emotional void. Only Jesus completes you. A healthy relationship (including friendship) starts with a whole person. Colossians 2:10 – “And in Christ you have been brought to fullness.”
5. Compromising on Godly Standards
Being alone can tempt even the strongest Christian to lower their standards. However, trading your convictions for companionship can lead to long-term regret. Hold firm to God’s best—even when it means waiting. Romans 12:2 – “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind...”
6. Neglecting Accountability
Many singles navigate dating alone, without the guidance of mentors or a spiritual community. But accountability protects your heart, reveals blind spots, and helps you stay aligned with God’s purpose. Accountability should begin in your single life, carry over into friendships, grow through Intentional Friendship™, and support you in Intentional Dating. Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ready to Go Deeper?
Order your copy of the Intentional Relationships for Singles 12-week Bible study to learn more.
This comprehensive study covers:
· Why relationships fail
· Identity in Christ
· Gender differences
· Boundaries & conflict
· Blind spots
· Biblical friendship (in all relationships)
· Intentional Friendship™
· Red, Yellow, and Green flags
· Intentional Dating
· Engagement & preparation for marriage
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
In today’s world, culture says, “Go for what you want. Follow your heart. If it feels good, it must be right.” Dating has become instant, with fast connections and often very little foundation.
Too many singles jump in emotionally or physically before truly getting to know the person. We call it “dating,” but in truth, we’re skipping the most essential step: Intentional Friendship™.
Without that foundation, we often get too close, too soon, only to end up confused and hurt, carrying emotional scars into the next relationship.
Top Dating Errors Christian Singles Make
1. Getting Emotionally Attached Too Fast
You meet, you click, and suddenly you’re texting daily, imagining a future, and sharing your heart—before trust has even been built. Intentional Friendship™ helps you guard your heart and give your emotions time to catch up with reality. Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
2. Confusing Chemistry with Compatibility
Yes, there may be attraction—but do you share the same faith, values, life goals, and spiritual direction? Chemistry fades. Spiritual alignment lasts. 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”
3. Skipping the Friendship Stage
Jumping from strangers to dating overnight means missing the chance to see how someone lives out their faith, handles conflict, or treats others in community. Moving too fast—emotionally, physically, or relationally—clouds judgment and leads to heartache. Deep friendship allows you to see who someone truly is, beyond “date mode.” It also teaches you to trust God's timing rather than your own. Proverbs 19:2 – “Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!”
4. Making the Relationship Your Identity
When your identity becomes wrapped up in who you're dating rather than who you are in Christ, it sets the stage for insecurity and confusion. Don’t date to fix a broken heart or fill an emotional void. Only Jesus completes you. A healthy relationship (including friendship) starts with a whole person. Colossians 2:10 – “And in Christ you have been brought to fullness.”
5. Compromising on Godly Standards
Being alone can tempt even the strongest Christian to lower their standards. However, trading your convictions for companionship can lead to long-term regret. Hold firm to God’s best—even when it means waiting. Romans 12:2 – “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind...”
6. Neglecting Accountability
Many singles navigate dating alone, without the guidance of mentors or a spiritual community. But accountability protects your heart, reveals blind spots, and helps you stay aligned with God’s purpose. Accountability should begin in your single life, carry over into friendships, grow through Intentional Friendship™, and support you in Intentional Dating. Proverbs 15:22 – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Ready to Go Deeper?
Order your copy of the Intentional Relationships for Singles 12-week Bible study to learn more.
This comprehensive study covers:
· Why relationships fail
· Identity in Christ
· Gender differences
· Boundaries & conflict
· Blind spots
· Biblical friendship (in all relationships)
· Intentional Friendship™
· Red, Yellow, and Green flags
· Intentional Dating
· Engagement & preparation for marriage
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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