Mistle-No, Navigating the Holidays Solo
by Kris Swiatocho
When you’re single, the holidays can feel extra heavy. Maybe you’re single due to divorce, which is often more difficult than death. Perhaps you’re a single parent with limited income, or you’re sharing your children with a former spouse. Maybe you’re single because your spouse passed away—and the reality is, they’re not coming back. Or maybe you’re like me, a never-married single adult.
Usually, most holidays aren’t too difficult because you can find somewhere to go—serving at a soup kitchen, visiting friends, or joining family. And while New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day can be brutally lonely, there’s often a singles gathering or event that helps ease the ache for companionship.
Many years ago, Dick Purnell—my first co-author—coined a phrase that always made me laugh: “Have a Rotic evening.”
I said, “What in the world is a Rotic evening?”
He answered, “It’s a Romantic evening… without the man.”
He explained that even if you’re single, you can still get dressed up with friends, go to a nice dinner, take a carriage ride, or sit under the stars. You can still have a fun and meaningful evening, even without a date. I remember thinking, Hmm… I guess you’re right.
But even a Rotic evening doesn’t replace the deep ache of being alone at Christmas, the holiday that has always been the most difficult for me as a single woman.
I’m thankful that I don’t have painful memories of holidays with a former spouse or the images of kids rushing down the stairs at 5 a.m. to see if Santa left them something. I also don’t have memories of adult children or grandchildren taking over my home, leaving behind messes and large gift bills.
So what’s the big deal?
Why is Christmas so tough?
Christmas is centered around the traditional family, and when you’re single without a spouse or children of your own, the loneliness can creep in quickly. Yes, I have family—my mom, siblings, and nieces and nephews—and I’m grateful for that. But it’s still not the same. If I’m not careful, I can easily wander down a dark road of despair, self-pity, or even anger.
So what do we do when that heaviness hits?
Here’s what I’ve learned.
1. Recognize the enemy’s strategy
The enemy loves to discourage and destroy. I know his lies, so I prepare myself. I rebuke the thoughts that say I’m alone or forgotten. God has blessed me with incredible people—like my 9-year-old goddaughter, whose joy lights up my Christmas season.
If you’re feeling the weight of loneliness, maybe it’s time to build relationships intentionally. Become an adoptive aunt, uncle, or grandparent. Many single parents would love extra support and encouragement.
Ephesians 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
2. Focus on what you do have
Holiday movies and social media scream messages about what you lack. It might be time to turn off the screen and turn to Jesus. Let Him remind you of what is truly important and how deeply you are loved.
Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,..
3. Stay busy doing what matters
This year, I helped my mom unpack over 30 boxes of Christmas decorations—yes, 30! I’ve also poured myself into community work, especially post–Hurricane Helene relief. So many families here have lost everything and are starting over.
Instead of buying gifts for my family, I’m giving that money to those in desperate need of food, heat, and shelter. And through that generosity, I get to share the gospel—the greatest gift of all.
Phil 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. Pause, pray, and let God speak
In the middle of the noise, I stop and allow the Lord to remind me of His love. I remember where He found me. I anchor myself in truth and celebrate the real reason for the season.
Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Holding onto the Right Memories
Yes, I may be single like Jesus—without a spouse or children—but I have beautiful memories:
Thank You, Jesus, for being my reason for the season.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
When you’re single, the holidays can feel extra heavy. Maybe you’re single due to divorce, which is often more difficult than death. Perhaps you’re a single parent with limited income, or you’re sharing your children with a former spouse. Maybe you’re single because your spouse passed away—and the reality is, they’re not coming back. Or maybe you’re like me, a never-married single adult.
Usually, most holidays aren’t too difficult because you can find somewhere to go—serving at a soup kitchen, visiting friends, or joining family. And while New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day can be brutally lonely, there’s often a singles gathering or event that helps ease the ache for companionship.
Many years ago, Dick Purnell—my first co-author—coined a phrase that always made me laugh: “Have a Rotic evening.”
I said, “What in the world is a Rotic evening?”
He answered, “It’s a Romantic evening… without the man.”
He explained that even if you’re single, you can still get dressed up with friends, go to a nice dinner, take a carriage ride, or sit under the stars. You can still have a fun and meaningful evening, even without a date. I remember thinking, Hmm… I guess you’re right.
But even a Rotic evening doesn’t replace the deep ache of being alone at Christmas, the holiday that has always been the most difficult for me as a single woman.
I’m thankful that I don’t have painful memories of holidays with a former spouse or the images of kids rushing down the stairs at 5 a.m. to see if Santa left them something. I also don’t have memories of adult children or grandchildren taking over my home, leaving behind messes and large gift bills.
So what’s the big deal?
Why is Christmas so tough?
Christmas is centered around the traditional family, and when you’re single without a spouse or children of your own, the loneliness can creep in quickly. Yes, I have family—my mom, siblings, and nieces and nephews—and I’m grateful for that. But it’s still not the same. If I’m not careful, I can easily wander down a dark road of despair, self-pity, or even anger.
So what do we do when that heaviness hits?
Here’s what I’ve learned.
1. Recognize the enemy’s strategy
The enemy loves to discourage and destroy. I know his lies, so I prepare myself. I rebuke the thoughts that say I’m alone or forgotten. God has blessed me with incredible people—like my 9-year-old goddaughter, whose joy lights up my Christmas season.
If you’re feeling the weight of loneliness, maybe it’s time to build relationships intentionally. Become an adoptive aunt, uncle, or grandparent. Many single parents would love extra support and encouragement.
Ephesians 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
2. Focus on what you do have
Holiday movies and social media scream messages about what you lack. It might be time to turn off the screen and turn to Jesus. Let Him remind you of what is truly important and how deeply you are loved.
Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,..
3. Stay busy doing what matters
This year, I helped my mom unpack over 30 boxes of Christmas decorations—yes, 30! I’ve also poured myself into community work, especially post–Hurricane Helene relief. So many families here have lost everything and are starting over.
Instead of buying gifts for my family, I’m giving that money to those in desperate need of food, heat, and shelter. And through that generosity, I get to share the gospel—the greatest gift of all.
Phil 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. Pause, pray, and let God speak
In the middle of the noise, I stop and allow the Lord to remind me of His love. I remember where He found me. I anchor myself in truth and celebrate the real reason for the season.
Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Holding onto the Right Memories
Yes, I may be single like Jesus—without a spouse or children—but I have beautiful memories:
- My first bike
- Baking homemade cookies
- Watching my mom draw a chimney beside our cardboard fireplace, so I’d believe Santa could get in.
- Selling mistletoe to make money for buying presents for my family when I was a kid.
- Matching “ugly sweaters,” my grandmother sent my brothers and me
- Crazy Christmas hat parties
- Singing carols through our neighborhood, receiving hugs from teary-eyed neighbors who said we made their Christmas
Thank You, Jesus, for being my reason for the season.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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