His Hearts Desire
by Kris Swiatocho
“Doe, a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden sun.” I can imagine how joyful it would be to sing this and dance around the Residenz Fountain in Austria, embracing the beauty of the moment.
The sound of Big Ben chiming echoes in my mind, and I can almost feel the gentle breeze as I imagine sailing down the River Thames, letting the place's history wash over me.
I can completely relate to being captivated by the stunning artistry in the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City. Admiring Michelangelo's work up close must be an overwhelming experience.
As my college years were coming to an end, I remember the excitement I felt as I planned my trip to Europe. With my work visa, passport, and all the necessary documents in hand, I was ready for an adventure. I had even bought my airline ticket, and it felt like the world was full of endless possibilities just waiting for me. In that moment, I felt invincible and empowered, experiencing a sense of independence that was truly uplifting. Being single during that time allowed me to embrace that freedom, knowing I could go anywhere and do anything. I remember feeling incredibly free, and it was a beautiful time in my life.
I understand how overwhelming it can be to reflect on certain life choices. The day after I graduated from college, I met a man who quickly captivated my attention and led me down a path that I now realize was quite dark. It was a journey that pulled me away from God and caused me a lot of heartache. For the next couple of years, I found myself estranged not just from my family, but also from the purpose God had laid out for me.
God had designed my time of singleness to be a period of growth and service for Him, but instead I focused on my relationship and on what would make my boyfriend and me happy. We decided to live together, even though deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right choice. We indulged in parties and spent money as if it were never-ending. While it seemed fun in the moment, I began to realize there was a missing piece—true joy, which comes only from a relationship with God.
Despite everything, God continually reminded me of His love and that my life held far greater value than the place I found myself in at that moment. It's a journey filled with lessons, and I hope to share this understanding with others who might be struggling as well.
As the "happy" phase of my relationship began to shift into sadness, I found myself overwhelmed by fear, guilt over my mistakes, the pressure of bill collectors, and the disappointment of friends and family. It was during this difficult time that I felt God's presence, with His hands outstretched, inviting me to turn to Him. I struggled with feelings of unworthiness because of my sins and shame. After leaving my boyfriend, instead of seeking comfort in the Lord, I wandered aimlessly for another year, desperately searching for truth, love, and peace, but only encountered more heartache. God could define me. The question then was: how would I use this knowledge, this power?
Eventually, I hit rock bottom. I had lost everything—my money was gone, I was deep in debt, and I was barely managing to eat. I looked and felt awful, both inside and out. In that dark moment, God reminded me of the path He had laid out for me. This time, I chose to embrace Him.
That decision was transformative. I began to realize that my life as a single person could still hold the power, peace, and joy I had long sought. I learned that true fulfillment comes from God alone, not from a partner, money, substances, material possessions, or even the support of family and friends. Only God could truly give me my worth and define who I am. From that understanding emerged a pivotal question: How would I use this newfound knowledge and strength?
Over the next thirty years, I experienced a profound journey of growth as a single adult, and I want to share how it has shaped me. I have many stories that highlight the significance of my choices during this time. Whether it was starting my own business, deciding to leave everything behind for full-time ministry, or caring for my grandmother and stepfather, being single has given me a unique flexibility that allowed me to embrace these opportunities. I deeply understand that being single can come with its own challenges, but I genuinely feel blessed by the experiences and lessons that have come my way.
How about you? I know that being single can bring a mix of feelings and experiences. How has your singleness influenced your life and the lives of those around you? It's important to recognize your worth during this time. Remember, God can use you in so many wonderful ways, even in your singleness. Take a few moments right now to pause and pray, placing your trust in God as you navigate this season of your life and consider what His next steps might be for you. You are not alone in this journey. His plans are great, just trust Him.
Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Note: This testimony holds a special significance in my study, "Intentional Relationships for Singles." Reflecting on that time, I realize I was not following the Lord and found myself in a relationship far outside His will. I barely knew the man I moved in with, and looking back, I wish I had taken the time to seek God's guidance, surround myself with supportive believers, pray earnestly, and be patient. If I had used the Intentional Friendship™ questions, I would have made more thoughtful choices, perhaps avoiding the heartache of moving in with someone I didn’t truly know.
Though my journey was filled with challenges, I want you to know that my experiences have allowed me to build a thriving singles ministry and write books aimed at helping others. I deeply empathize with anyone who is navigating similar struggles because I don’t want anyone to endure what I went through. If you find yourself in a difficult situation or have made mistakes, remember that God loves you unconditionally and is waiting with open arms to welcome you back. There is always room for forgiveness and a chance for a fresh start. You are not alone on this journey, and healing is possible.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
“Doe, a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden sun.” I can imagine how joyful it would be to sing this and dance around the Residenz Fountain in Austria, embracing the beauty of the moment.
The sound of Big Ben chiming echoes in my mind, and I can almost feel the gentle breeze as I imagine sailing down the River Thames, letting the place's history wash over me.
I can completely relate to being captivated by the stunning artistry in the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City. Admiring Michelangelo's work up close must be an overwhelming experience.
As my college years were coming to an end, I remember the excitement I felt as I planned my trip to Europe. With my work visa, passport, and all the necessary documents in hand, I was ready for an adventure. I had even bought my airline ticket, and it felt like the world was full of endless possibilities just waiting for me. In that moment, I felt invincible and empowered, experiencing a sense of independence that was truly uplifting. Being single during that time allowed me to embrace that freedom, knowing I could go anywhere and do anything. I remember feeling incredibly free, and it was a beautiful time in my life.
I understand how overwhelming it can be to reflect on certain life choices. The day after I graduated from college, I met a man who quickly captivated my attention and led me down a path that I now realize was quite dark. It was a journey that pulled me away from God and caused me a lot of heartache. For the next couple of years, I found myself estranged not just from my family, but also from the purpose God had laid out for me.
God had designed my time of singleness to be a period of growth and service for Him, but instead I focused on my relationship and on what would make my boyfriend and me happy. We decided to live together, even though deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right choice. We indulged in parties and spent money as if it were never-ending. While it seemed fun in the moment, I began to realize there was a missing piece—true joy, which comes only from a relationship with God.
Despite everything, God continually reminded me of His love and that my life held far greater value than the place I found myself in at that moment. It's a journey filled with lessons, and I hope to share this understanding with others who might be struggling as well.
As the "happy" phase of my relationship began to shift into sadness, I found myself overwhelmed by fear, guilt over my mistakes, the pressure of bill collectors, and the disappointment of friends and family. It was during this difficult time that I felt God's presence, with His hands outstretched, inviting me to turn to Him. I struggled with feelings of unworthiness because of my sins and shame. After leaving my boyfriend, instead of seeking comfort in the Lord, I wandered aimlessly for another year, desperately searching for truth, love, and peace, but only encountered more heartache. God could define me. The question then was: how would I use this knowledge, this power?
Eventually, I hit rock bottom. I had lost everything—my money was gone, I was deep in debt, and I was barely managing to eat. I looked and felt awful, both inside and out. In that dark moment, God reminded me of the path He had laid out for me. This time, I chose to embrace Him.
That decision was transformative. I began to realize that my life as a single person could still hold the power, peace, and joy I had long sought. I learned that true fulfillment comes from God alone, not from a partner, money, substances, material possessions, or even the support of family and friends. Only God could truly give me my worth and define who I am. From that understanding emerged a pivotal question: How would I use this newfound knowledge and strength?
Over the next thirty years, I experienced a profound journey of growth as a single adult, and I want to share how it has shaped me. I have many stories that highlight the significance of my choices during this time. Whether it was starting my own business, deciding to leave everything behind for full-time ministry, or caring for my grandmother and stepfather, being single has given me a unique flexibility that allowed me to embrace these opportunities. I deeply understand that being single can come with its own challenges, but I genuinely feel blessed by the experiences and lessons that have come my way.
How about you? I know that being single can bring a mix of feelings and experiences. How has your singleness influenced your life and the lives of those around you? It's important to recognize your worth during this time. Remember, God can use you in so many wonderful ways, even in your singleness. Take a few moments right now to pause and pray, placing your trust in God as you navigate this season of your life and consider what His next steps might be for you. You are not alone in this journey. His plans are great, just trust Him.
Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Note: This testimony holds a special significance in my study, "Intentional Relationships for Singles." Reflecting on that time, I realize I was not following the Lord and found myself in a relationship far outside His will. I barely knew the man I moved in with, and looking back, I wish I had taken the time to seek God's guidance, surround myself with supportive believers, pray earnestly, and be patient. If I had used the Intentional Friendship™ questions, I would have made more thoughtful choices, perhaps avoiding the heartache of moving in with someone I didn’t truly know.
Though my journey was filled with challenges, I want you to know that my experiences have allowed me to build a thriving singles ministry and write books aimed at helping others. I deeply empathize with anyone who is navigating similar struggles because I don’t want anyone to endure what I went through. If you find yourself in a difficult situation or have made mistakes, remember that God loves you unconditionally and is waiting with open arms to welcome you back. There is always room for forgiveness and a chance for a fresh start. You are not alone on this journey, and healing is possible.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
Accept Her Past or Run From It?
by Kris Swiatocho
QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who is committed to putting God first and seeking His will for our future together. However, she has a challenging past that includes promiscuity and abuse, which has resulted in her having a permanent STD. While I feel conflicted about continuing the relationship, I also recognize that if she’s truly repentant, there is potential for growth and healing for both of us. Her past weighs heavily on my heart, but I want to focus on the person she has become. Should I embrace our time together and trust that God will guide us, or would it be wiser to part ways and seek a different relationship?
It takes immense courage to write about and seek help on such a sensitive subject, and I genuinely appreciate your willingness to open up. Your concern shows how much you care, and that’s a valuable trait. You’re right that, through the blood of Jesus Christ, she has been forgiven of her past mistakes—just like we all have been. Still, it’s essential to acknowledge that our past actions can sometimes have consequences that we encounter in our present lives.
Every relationship comes with its own set of challenges and deal-breakers—issues that can significantly impact the bond between you and your girlfriend. As you consider your future together, it’s essential to reflect on some key questions. For example, will she be comfortable if you choose not to have children? Would she be open to joining your church or denomination? How does she interact with your family? What about her financial situation? These are just a few of the many topics that may arise as your relationship deepens and potentially moves toward marriage.
Note: We have included 650 questions in the back of our Bible study, Intentional Relationships for Singles, to help you learn more about each other, from friendship to marriage.
I understand that her past may weigh heavily on your heart. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions about it. When you reflect on her previous experiences, think about what specifically troubles you. Are you worried because you empathize with her pain? Or are you anxious about the implications of her past? It’s completely reasonable to be concerned about potential risks, such as other STDs she may not even know about or how her history might affect your future together, especially in terms of family planning or health.
Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge when something feels like more than you can handle. You deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationship. However, if you find yourself falling in love with her and believe she is meant to be in your life, it’s essential to embrace her as a whole person, imperfections included, just as Christ loves us all.
I encourage you to seek out information about the disease and the precautions that can help prevent further complications. Openly sharing your feelings and fears with her will foster honesty and strengthen your connection. Trust in God’s guidance as you navigate this journey together, knowing that you are both deserving of love and understanding as you move forward.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who is committed to putting God first and seeking His will for our future together. However, she has a challenging past that includes promiscuity and abuse, which has resulted in her having a permanent STD. While I feel conflicted about continuing the relationship, I also recognize that if she’s truly repentant, there is potential for growth and healing for both of us. Her past weighs heavily on my heart, but I want to focus on the person she has become. Should I embrace our time together and trust that God will guide us, or would it be wiser to part ways and seek a different relationship?
It takes immense courage to write about and seek help on such a sensitive subject, and I genuinely appreciate your willingness to open up. Your concern shows how much you care, and that’s a valuable trait. You’re right that, through the blood of Jesus Christ, she has been forgiven of her past mistakes—just like we all have been. Still, it’s essential to acknowledge that our past actions can sometimes have consequences that we encounter in our present lives.
Every relationship comes with its own set of challenges and deal-breakers—issues that can significantly impact the bond between you and your girlfriend. As you consider your future together, it’s essential to reflect on some key questions. For example, will she be comfortable if you choose not to have children? Would she be open to joining your church or denomination? How does she interact with your family? What about her financial situation? These are just a few of the many topics that may arise as your relationship deepens and potentially moves toward marriage.
Note: We have included 650 questions in the back of our Bible study, Intentional Relationships for Singles, to help you learn more about each other, from friendship to marriage.
I understand that her past may weigh heavily on your heart. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions about it. When you reflect on her previous experiences, think about what specifically troubles you. Are you worried because you empathize with her pain? Or are you anxious about the implications of her past? It’s completely reasonable to be concerned about potential risks, such as other STDs she may not even know about or how her history might affect your future together, especially in terms of family planning or health.
Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge when something feels like more than you can handle. You deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationship. However, if you find yourself falling in love with her and believe she is meant to be in your life, it’s essential to embrace her as a whole person, imperfections included, just as Christ loves us all.
I encourage you to seek out information about the disease and the precautions that can help prevent further complications. Openly sharing your feelings and fears with her will foster honesty and strengthen your connection. Trust in God’s guidance as you navigate this journey together, knowing that you are both deserving of love and understanding as you move forward.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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