Can You Believe What He Said?
This article is taken from Kris Swiatocho’s Bible study: Walk the Line
Judging Versus Accountability
“Oh, look over there. She is dressed like a prostitute again. Can someone please tell her we do not want to see her belly button anymore? Oh, and there is Mr. Jones with some new woman and her kids. I think he must have a different woman each week. I don’t think that is right with God. Where have all the bulletins gone? That church secretary is no good. We need to fire her. What did you say, Pastor? We need to pray for the Smith family again? Shoot, all we do is pray for their finances. Maybe they would get off their duffs, get a job, and stop asking the church for help all the time.”
Does any of this sound familiar? I know I have thought and said similar things a few times in my life. In the South, where I live, we have a way of getting into people’s business and calling it concern. We tell others we are praying for them, but really, we are just spreading gossip. We want to hold them accountable in truth, but end up judging them in lies. Don’t get me wrong—there are folks who are concerned and do care. But I have found there is a “fine line” between judging people and holding them accountable. I think most people confuse the two.
I think most people say they are holding someone accountable and seeking God's approval, when in fact they are making a judgment—a judgment without enough information, without truth, and without love.
So how do you know the difference? How do we, as Christians, know when we are judging someone or simply holding someone accountable?
Let’s first establish what accountability is:
Accountability is something God established to help us grow in Him. If others practice it correctly, the results should be evident in our attitude, our walk with God, our faithfulness, and our awareness of sin. We will become more humble and teachable, and we will want to change.
We are all accountable to God. As we spend time in the Word, serve, tithe, pray, and maintain a positive attitude, we are storing up good things. Out of a good walk comes a good witness.
Matthew 12:35–36
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
We are accountable to those over us. God has placed those over us to teach and guide us. Even if some of them are not Christians, we are still accountable to our bosses, government, police, parents, etc. They are being held accountable by God for how they hold us accountable.
Hebrews 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
We are accountable to each other. It’s one thing to be held accountable by God and by those in authority over you—but another believer? Boy, that can be hard. So many of us won’t hold each other accountable because we don’t want to come across as judgmental. We don’t want to seem like we don’t have our own junk. God commands us to do this, but He has given us instructions on how to do it, so it isn’t judgmental.
Romans 15:14
I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.
1. Look at yourself first.
Look at yourself and make sure your heart is in the right place before holding anyone else accountable for sin. It’s not that you won’t have your own sin, but are you aware of it? Are you working on it? Accountability usually comes into play when someone isn’t aware they are sinning or how their sin is affecting others. Accountability brings awareness. If people know you are humble, they are more likely to receive your guidance.
Psalm 139:23–24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
2. Relationship matters.
Before you can hold anyone accountable, you must have a relationship with that person built on trust. That is why our accountability can sometimes come across as gossip or judgment. When there is no relationship and no trust, people have a hard time taking direction from others. If we don’t have a relationship, we have no idea what might be going on in someone’s life, so we make assumptions. These assumptions start in our minds and quickly become verbal. Once airborne, they can spread like a virus, causing major damage.
We must be willing to listen and understand as much as we can about a person’s life. Maybe the lady in church dresses so provocatively because she has had a horrible upbringing. Maybe she has never had anyone come beside her and be her friend. Maybe the man who comes to church each week with a different family is really ministering to them. Maybe they are his neighbors, his family, or people from a local shelter. But how would you know without knowing that person?
Grace alert: Don’t ever forget where you were when God found you, where He saved you, and where He poured into you (and still does).
James 1:19–20
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
3. Hold others accountable in love.
Where is the fine line between judgment and accountability? It’s in love. When you love someone and see their sin, it should break your heart. It should make you sad because you hurt for them. You see where their sin is taking them because you have been there. You want to help them, not hurt them. You want them to break free from sin and experience freedom and victory. Judging someone is more about being self-focused—it’s about your heart. It’s easier to judge someone else than to deal with our own mess. Holding someone accountable requires us to deal with our own junk first.
1 John 4:21
And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
4. Walk in God’s Spirit.
Hold others accountable in keeping with God’s Spirit. We must approach the person gently, praying throughout that God will help them receive what we say. First, encourage and praise them for their work for the Lord and the difference they are making. Let them know how much you care about them. After you share your thoughts, encourage them to hold you accountable as well. This will foster an open, trusting relationship.
Galatians 5:25-6:2
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Romans 15:1-2
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
5. Judgment is reserved for God.
Only God knows the human heart to the core. Only God knows what man has said to Him. So we have to be careful that our comments, thoughts, and actions do not appear to be judging someone. Until we take the time to get to know someone, build a relationship with them, and build trust so they are more likely to accept our advice, it will always come across as judgment.
Matthew 7:1–2
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
So, how do you know when to hold someone accountable? When do we need to step in and speak up? Should we discuss it with others first?
I pray about it first. If someone’s sin or negative action is affecting your ministry, church, community, family, etc., you will have to, at some point, address it. If you are unsure, you can involve your pastor or another trusted counselor—but be careful about whom you discuss it with. Not every battle in life is yours to fight. Sometimes I don’t feel led to approach that person. Instead, I leave it for God to handle. God may have someone else in mind who is better equipped. But I can continue to pray for that person.
Remember, accountability in life is not only about becoming a better person, a stronger Christian, and a follower of Jesus. It’s also about building up the body of Christ, so we are stronger in the face of the enemy.
So when someone comes along your way (in love and sometimes not in love) and holds you accountable, bite your tongue, listen, pray, and discern whether it’s something you need to address or change—and ask for forgiveness.
1 Corinthians 16:13–16
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love. You know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints. I urge you, brothers, to submit to such as these and to everyone who joins in the work, and labors at it.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
Judging Versus Accountability
“Oh, look over there. She is dressed like a prostitute again. Can someone please tell her we do not want to see her belly button anymore? Oh, and there is Mr. Jones with some new woman and her kids. I think he must have a different woman each week. I don’t think that is right with God. Where have all the bulletins gone? That church secretary is no good. We need to fire her. What did you say, Pastor? We need to pray for the Smith family again? Shoot, all we do is pray for their finances. Maybe they would get off their duffs, get a job, and stop asking the church for help all the time.”
Does any of this sound familiar? I know I have thought and said similar things a few times in my life. In the South, where I live, we have a way of getting into people’s business and calling it concern. We tell others we are praying for them, but really, we are just spreading gossip. We want to hold them accountable in truth, but end up judging them in lies. Don’t get me wrong—there are folks who are concerned and do care. But I have found there is a “fine line” between judging people and holding them accountable. I think most people confuse the two.
I think most people say they are holding someone accountable and seeking God's approval, when in fact they are making a judgment—a judgment without enough information, without truth, and without love.
So how do you know the difference? How do we, as Christians, know when we are judging someone or simply holding someone accountable?
Let’s first establish what accountability is:
Accountability is something God established to help us grow in Him. If others practice it correctly, the results should be evident in our attitude, our walk with God, our faithfulness, and our awareness of sin. We will become more humble and teachable, and we will want to change.
We are all accountable to God. As we spend time in the Word, serve, tithe, pray, and maintain a positive attitude, we are storing up good things. Out of a good walk comes a good witness.
Matthew 12:35–36
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.
We are accountable to those over us. God has placed those over us to teach and guide us. Even if some of them are not Christians, we are still accountable to our bosses, government, police, parents, etc. They are being held accountable by God for how they hold us accountable.
Hebrews 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
We are accountable to each other. It’s one thing to be held accountable by God and by those in authority over you—but another believer? Boy, that can be hard. So many of us won’t hold each other accountable because we don’t want to come across as judgmental. We don’t want to seem like we don’t have our own junk. God commands us to do this, but He has given us instructions on how to do it, so it isn’t judgmental.
Romans 15:14
I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another.
1. Look at yourself first.
Look at yourself and make sure your heart is in the right place before holding anyone else accountable for sin. It’s not that you won’t have your own sin, but are you aware of it? Are you working on it? Accountability usually comes into play when someone isn’t aware they are sinning or how their sin is affecting others. Accountability brings awareness. If people know you are humble, they are more likely to receive your guidance.
Psalm 139:23–24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
2. Relationship matters.
Before you can hold anyone accountable, you must have a relationship with that person built on trust. That is why our accountability can sometimes come across as gossip or judgment. When there is no relationship and no trust, people have a hard time taking direction from others. If we don’t have a relationship, we have no idea what might be going on in someone’s life, so we make assumptions. These assumptions start in our minds and quickly become verbal. Once airborne, they can spread like a virus, causing major damage.
We must be willing to listen and understand as much as we can about a person’s life. Maybe the lady in church dresses so provocatively because she has had a horrible upbringing. Maybe she has never had anyone come beside her and be her friend. Maybe the man who comes to church each week with a different family is really ministering to them. Maybe they are his neighbors, his family, or people from a local shelter. But how would you know without knowing that person?
Grace alert: Don’t ever forget where you were when God found you, where He saved you, and where He poured into you (and still does).
James 1:19–20
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
3. Hold others accountable in love.
Where is the fine line between judgment and accountability? It’s in love. When you love someone and see their sin, it should break your heart. It should make you sad because you hurt for them. You see where their sin is taking them because you have been there. You want to help them, not hurt them. You want them to break free from sin and experience freedom and victory. Judging someone is more about being self-focused—it’s about your heart. It’s easier to judge someone else than to deal with our own mess. Holding someone accountable requires us to deal with our own junk first.
1 John 4:21
And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
4. Walk in God’s Spirit.
Hold others accountable in keeping with God’s Spirit. We must approach the person gently, praying throughout that God will help them receive what we say. First, encourage and praise them for their work for the Lord and the difference they are making. Let them know how much you care about them. After you share your thoughts, encourage them to hold you accountable as well. This will foster an open, trusting relationship.
Galatians 5:25-6:2
Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Romans 15:1-2
We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.
5. Judgment is reserved for God.
Only God knows the human heart to the core. Only God knows what man has said to Him. So we have to be careful that our comments, thoughts, and actions do not appear to be judging someone. Until we take the time to get to know someone, build a relationship with them, and build trust so they are more likely to accept our advice, it will always come across as judgment.
Matthew 7:1–2
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
So, how do you know when to hold someone accountable? When do we need to step in and speak up? Should we discuss it with others first?
I pray about it first. If someone’s sin or negative action is affecting your ministry, church, community, family, etc., you will have to, at some point, address it. If you are unsure, you can involve your pastor or another trusted counselor—but be careful about whom you discuss it with. Not every battle in life is yours to fight. Sometimes I don’t feel led to approach that person. Instead, I leave it for God to handle. God may have someone else in mind who is better equipped. But I can continue to pray for that person.
Remember, accountability in life is not only about becoming a better person, a stronger Christian, and a follower of Jesus. It’s also about building up the body of Christ, so we are stronger in the face of the enemy.
So when someone comes along your way (in love and sometimes not in love) and holds you accountable, bite your tongue, listen, pray, and discern whether it’s something you need to address or change—and ask for forgiveness.
1 Corinthians 16:13–16
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love. You know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints. I urge you, brothers, to submit to such as these and to everyone who joins in the work, and labors at it.
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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