Lost in Translation: What Today's Dating Terms Really Mean
By Kris Swiatocho
If you’ve been talking with singles lately, you’ve probably heard words that didn’t even exist a few years ago—such as situationship, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more. These aren’t just trendy phrases; they show how our culture is changing how we view connection and commitment, and how we value each other. Let’s keep exploring what these terms really mean—and what they reveal about the state of our hearts.
• Situationship: A relationship without definition or commitment.
At its core, a situationship is about seeking companionship—someone to go to the movies with, to talk to, to spend time with, and even share physical closeness—so you’re not alone, but without the clarity, responsibility, or commitment that a healthy dating relationship should provide.
What makes situationships so challenging is the lack of clarity and communication. One or both people might assume the relationship is developing, while the other is comfortable keeping things ambiguous. This leads to confusion, mixed signals, and often emotional attachment without security.
Over time, questions begin to surface, like “Where are you going?” and “Are we exclusive?” Do they truly care about me or just my convenience? Instead of providing clarity, a situationship often avoids it. And avoidance is not neutral—it typically leads to frustration, insecurity, and unmet expectations.
Healthy relationships are based on intentionality, communication, and mutual commitment. If any of these elements are absent, it’s crucial to step back and honestly assess whether the relationship is honoring both you and the other person.
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.— Matthew 5:37
• Ghosting: Cutting off communication without explanation (or sometimes called “Slow Fading,” where they gradually pull away instead of ending things).
It reflects a preference for avoidance over honesty. Often, ghosting stems from a fear of conflict or discomfort—worrying that if you’re honest, the other person may react strongly or try to change your mind. So instead of having a difficult but necessary conversation, you quietly disappear—emotionally and physically. But healthy, God-honoring relationships require courage, truth, and respect for others.
Watch out: When they do show up, it’s called “Zombieing,” and it reflects a lack of accountability and self-centeredness. Healthy relationships require ownership, repair, and respect.
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.— Ephesians 4:25
• Breadcrumbing: Giving just enough attention to keep someone interested.
It says: “I’ll give you pieces, not my whole self.” Often, breadcrumbing stems from a struggle with commitment—sometimes rooted in fear from past relationships or uncertainty about what it takes to build something real. While there might be a desire for connection, the follow-through isn’t there.
Instead, attention is given in small, inconsistent ways that keep the other person close enough to meet emotional needs—without truly addressing those needs. This creates confusion and can seem manipulative, even if that wasn’t the original intention.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.-- Philippians 2:3–4
• Cuffing Season: Seeking temporary relationships to avoid aloneness.
God’s design is for intentional, not seasonal, love. Being single—especially during the holidays—can be tough. Everywhere you turn, people are paired up or gathering with family. To avoid feeling lonely, it’s easy to be tempted to find someone—anyone—just to fill that void and ease the discomfort.
But often, when the season ends, so does the relationship. Excuses follow: “It’s me, not you,” or “I’m not ready for something serious”—when, deep down, you knew from the start that your heart wasn’t truly in it.
This approach is not only self-focused but also can be deeply hurtful to the other person.
What truly helps during times of loneliness? Community. Make the effort to stay connected—attend church regularly, join a small group or class, and find ways to serve. When the holidays arrive, you won’t have to face them alone—you’ll have meaningful, life-giving relationships that reflect God’s design.
Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. —Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
• Benching/Roster Dating: Keeping multiple people as backup options.
It reflects a view of people as options rather than individuals. In today’s culture, this approach is common—it’s often about keeping your options open instead of committing to one person. Even when you're in a relationship, you might still find yourself talking to other potential partners, calling them "just friends,” when in reality they are backups if the current relationship doesn’t work out.
But relationships based on divided attention and hidden motives are grounded in insecurity and lack of trust—and ultimately, they won’t succeed.
Instead of looking over someone’s shoulder for the next option, take time to reflect inward. Seek wise counsel, talk with a pastor or trusted mentor, and ask God to reveal what might be fueling the desire to keep multiple options open.
Healthy relationships need focus, effort, and intentional investment. Instead of always looking for what’s next, decide to be completely present with what’s in front of you.
Do to others as you would have them do to you. — Luke 6:31
• Love Bombing: Overwhelming someone with attention, affection, or promises early on—often to gain control or accelerate emotional attachment.
It can resemble constant texting, overly bold declarations too early, and intense pursuit without a strong basis.
This is often a sign of narcissistic tendencies. They may present themselves as the “perfect match,” saying and doing everything to meet your needs. They might even take time to learn what you value most—only to use that information later.
At first, they shower you with attention and affection. But over time, the pattern often changes—pulling away, ignoring you, causing confusion, or even provoking conflict. The focus is ultimately on themselves rather than on building a healthy, mutual relationship.
While we all appreciate feeling valued and pursued, too much intensity too quickly is a major red flag.
Healthy love is steady, genuine, and developed over time—not rushed, manipulative, or overwhelming.
Love is patient, love is kind… — 1 Corinthians 13:4
• Orbiting: When someone is no longer actively involved in a relationship but still remains “present” in your life from afar.
It says: “I don’t want you… But I don’t want you to move on either. Instead of direct communication, they watch your social media stories, like or react to your posts, occasionally send a random message or emoji, and stay just visible enough to remind you they’re still there. But they don’t initiate meaningful conversation, pursue connection, or offer clarity.”
This makes you wonder: Do they still want to be in my life—or not?
If a relationship has ended on healthy, mutual terms and both people genuinely want to stay friends, occasional interaction can be suitable. However, when there's a need for space to heal and move on, orbiting becomes confusing and often painful.
Sometimes, the other person might not be ready to move on, even if you are. That’s when boundaries become crucial.
Healthy relationships need clarity and respect. If someone’s “presence” hinders your healing, it’s okay to set boundaries and ask for space to move forward.
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…—1 Corinthians 14:33
• Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into questioning their reality, feelings, or even their sanity.
They might say things like, “That never happened,” or “You’re overreacting.” Gaslighting often leads to deep confusion in a relationship. You may find yourself constantly questioning where you stand—Are we moving forward or stuck? Do they really care about me? Am I the problem? I even wonder what God is saying in this?
Because of their words and actions, you start to doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And when strong emotions are involved, it’s even easier to stay trapped in the cycle.
Over time, the person gaslighting you might learn your strengths and weaknesses and use them to keep control, twisting the truth in subtle or obvious ways to serve their own needs.
This isn't love—it's manipulation. And it results in confusion, insecurity, and emotional damage.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.—John 8:34
• Friendationship: Believing you’re in a relationship when the other person hasn't clearly communicated it.
This often results from mixed signals, emotional assumptions, and poor communication. It’s a relationship caught between friendship and dating. It is always one-sided—one person likes or even loves the other without reciprocation. That person often does things for them, like mowing the lawn, shopping, cooking dinner, doing laundry, running errands, giving back rubs, fixing things, pet or house sitting—all without the true commitment of a dating relationship.
It is a confusing friendship because neither friend can clearly define what kind of relationship it is. Sometimes it feels like dating, while other times it seems like an ordinary friendship. There is a desire for a dating relationship by one or both people, but not necessarily with each other. Physical and emotional boundaries are often crossed, which adds to the confusion. Friendationships can last from months to many years. We discuss this topic in much more detail in our study, Intentional Relationships for Singles.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed… Luke 8:17
• Sneaky Link: A secret or hidden physical relationship, often casual. This directly opposes God’s plan for purity, honesty, and honor.
A “sneaky link” relies on secrecy—meeting in private, keeping the relationship hidden from others, and often avoiding any real emotional or spiritual connection. It’s usually motivated by physical desire rather than intentional, Christ-centered purpose.
At its core, it states: “I want the physical benefits…without responsibility, commitment, or accountability.”
But what’s hidden in the dark often causes confusion, shame, and brokenness. When a relationship needs to be kept secret, it’s usually because it can’t withstand the light.
God’s design for relationships is never based on secrecy or casual use of each other. It is built on honor, integrity, mutual respect, and clear intention.
Sneaky links reduce people to mere experiences rather than recognizing their worth as individuals created in God’s image. Over time, this can harm not only your relationships with others but also your view of yourself and your walk with God.
Instead, we are called to walk in the light—living in a way that is open, honest, and aligned with God’s truth.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. — Ephesians 5:11
So what do all of these terms reveal? When you step back and examine them, a pattern becomes clear: fear of commitment, fear of rejection, and the desire for connection without accountability. We seek the benefits of relationships without the vulnerability that comes with them.
God calls us higher, not to confusion, games, or half-measures, but to clarity, integrity, and intentional love.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world…— Romans 12:2
These terms might be new to some of you, but the desire behind them isn't. People still want to be chosen, valued, and deeply known. The question is: will we follow culture… or lead with Christ?
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles, whether for individual study or the group workbook. This study explores why relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, and friendship across all types of relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, and friends. It also addresses intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, as well as intentional dating and engagement. The workbook provides access to our leadership guide.
If you’ve been talking with singles lately, you’ve probably heard words that didn’t even exist a few years ago—such as situationship, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more. These aren’t just trendy phrases; they show how our culture is changing how we view connection and commitment, and how we value each other. Let’s keep exploring what these terms really mean—and what they reveal about the state of our hearts.
• Situationship: A relationship without definition or commitment.
At its core, a situationship is about seeking companionship—someone to go to the movies with, to talk to, to spend time with, and even share physical closeness—so you’re not alone, but without the clarity, responsibility, or commitment that a healthy dating relationship should provide.
What makes situationships so challenging is the lack of clarity and communication. One or both people might assume the relationship is developing, while the other is comfortable keeping things ambiguous. This leads to confusion, mixed signals, and often emotional attachment without security.
Over time, questions begin to surface, like “Where are you going?” and “Are we exclusive?” Do they truly care about me or just my convenience? Instead of providing clarity, a situationship often avoids it. And avoidance is not neutral—it typically leads to frustration, insecurity, and unmet expectations.
Healthy relationships are based on intentionality, communication, and mutual commitment. If any of these elements are absent, it’s crucial to step back and honestly assess whether the relationship is honoring both you and the other person.
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.— Matthew 5:37
• Ghosting: Cutting off communication without explanation (or sometimes called “Slow Fading,” where they gradually pull away instead of ending things).
It reflects a preference for avoidance over honesty. Often, ghosting stems from a fear of conflict or discomfort—worrying that if you’re honest, the other person may react strongly or try to change your mind. So instead of having a difficult but necessary conversation, you quietly disappear—emotionally and physically. But healthy, God-honoring relationships require courage, truth, and respect for others.
Watch out: When they do show up, it’s called “Zombieing,” and it reflects a lack of accountability and self-centeredness. Healthy relationships require ownership, repair, and respect.
Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.— Ephesians 4:25
• Breadcrumbing: Giving just enough attention to keep someone interested.
It says: “I’ll give you pieces, not my whole self.” Often, breadcrumbing stems from a struggle with commitment—sometimes rooted in fear from past relationships or uncertainty about what it takes to build something real. While there might be a desire for connection, the follow-through isn’t there.
Instead, attention is given in small, inconsistent ways that keep the other person close enough to meet emotional needs—without truly addressing those needs. This creates confusion and can seem manipulative, even if that wasn’t the original intention.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.-- Philippians 2:3–4
• Cuffing Season: Seeking temporary relationships to avoid aloneness.
God’s design is for intentional, not seasonal, love. Being single—especially during the holidays—can be tough. Everywhere you turn, people are paired up or gathering with family. To avoid feeling lonely, it’s easy to be tempted to find someone—anyone—just to fill that void and ease the discomfort.
But often, when the season ends, so does the relationship. Excuses follow: “It’s me, not you,” or “I’m not ready for something serious”—when, deep down, you knew from the start that your heart wasn’t truly in it.
This approach is not only self-focused but also can be deeply hurtful to the other person.
What truly helps during times of loneliness? Community. Make the effort to stay connected—attend church regularly, join a small group or class, and find ways to serve. When the holidays arrive, you won’t have to face them alone—you’ll have meaningful, life-giving relationships that reflect God’s design.
Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. —Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
• Benching/Roster Dating: Keeping multiple people as backup options.
It reflects a view of people as options rather than individuals. In today’s culture, this approach is common—it’s often about keeping your options open instead of committing to one person. Even when you're in a relationship, you might still find yourself talking to other potential partners, calling them "just friends,” when in reality they are backups if the current relationship doesn’t work out.
But relationships based on divided attention and hidden motives are grounded in insecurity and lack of trust—and ultimately, they won’t succeed.
Instead of looking over someone’s shoulder for the next option, take time to reflect inward. Seek wise counsel, talk with a pastor or trusted mentor, and ask God to reveal what might be fueling the desire to keep multiple options open.
Healthy relationships need focus, effort, and intentional investment. Instead of always looking for what’s next, decide to be completely present with what’s in front of you.
Do to others as you would have them do to you. — Luke 6:31
• Love Bombing: Overwhelming someone with attention, affection, or promises early on—often to gain control or accelerate emotional attachment.
It can resemble constant texting, overly bold declarations too early, and intense pursuit without a strong basis.
This is often a sign of narcissistic tendencies. They may present themselves as the “perfect match,” saying and doing everything to meet your needs. They might even take time to learn what you value most—only to use that information later.
At first, they shower you with attention and affection. But over time, the pattern often changes—pulling away, ignoring you, causing confusion, or even provoking conflict. The focus is ultimately on themselves rather than on building a healthy, mutual relationship.
While we all appreciate feeling valued and pursued, too much intensity too quickly is a major red flag.
Healthy love is steady, genuine, and developed over time—not rushed, manipulative, or overwhelming.
Love is patient, love is kind… — 1 Corinthians 13:4
• Orbiting: When someone is no longer actively involved in a relationship but still remains “present” in your life from afar.
It says: “I don’t want you… But I don’t want you to move on either. Instead of direct communication, they watch your social media stories, like or react to your posts, occasionally send a random message or emoji, and stay just visible enough to remind you they’re still there. But they don’t initiate meaningful conversation, pursue connection, or offer clarity.”
This makes you wonder: Do they still want to be in my life—or not?
If a relationship has ended on healthy, mutual terms and both people genuinely want to stay friends, occasional interaction can be suitable. However, when there's a need for space to heal and move on, orbiting becomes confusing and often painful.
Sometimes, the other person might not be ready to move on, even if you are. That’s when boundaries become crucial.
Healthy relationships need clarity and respect. If someone’s “presence” hinders your healing, it’s okay to set boundaries and ask for space to move forward.
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…—1 Corinthians 14:33
• Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into questioning their reality, feelings, or even their sanity.
They might say things like, “That never happened,” or “You’re overreacting.” Gaslighting often leads to deep confusion in a relationship. You may find yourself constantly questioning where you stand—Are we moving forward or stuck? Do they really care about me? Am I the problem? I even wonder what God is saying in this?
Because of their words and actions, you start to doubt your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And when strong emotions are involved, it’s even easier to stay trapped in the cycle.
Over time, the person gaslighting you might learn your strengths and weaknesses and use them to keep control, twisting the truth in subtle or obvious ways to serve their own needs.
This isn't love—it's manipulation. And it results in confusion, insecurity, and emotional damage.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.—John 8:34
• Friendationship: Believing you’re in a relationship when the other person hasn't clearly communicated it.
This often results from mixed signals, emotional assumptions, and poor communication. It’s a relationship caught between friendship and dating. It is always one-sided—one person likes or even loves the other without reciprocation. That person often does things for them, like mowing the lawn, shopping, cooking dinner, doing laundry, running errands, giving back rubs, fixing things, pet or house sitting—all without the true commitment of a dating relationship.
It is a confusing friendship because neither friend can clearly define what kind of relationship it is. Sometimes it feels like dating, while other times it seems like an ordinary friendship. There is a desire for a dating relationship by one or both people, but not necessarily with each other. Physical and emotional boundaries are often crossed, which adds to the confusion. Friendationships can last from months to many years. We discuss this topic in much more detail in our study, Intentional Relationships for Singles.
For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed… Luke 8:17
• Sneaky Link: A secret or hidden physical relationship, often casual. This directly opposes God’s plan for purity, honesty, and honor.
A “sneaky link” relies on secrecy—meeting in private, keeping the relationship hidden from others, and often avoiding any real emotional or spiritual connection. It’s usually motivated by physical desire rather than intentional, Christ-centered purpose.
At its core, it states: “I want the physical benefits…without responsibility, commitment, or accountability.”
But what’s hidden in the dark often causes confusion, shame, and brokenness. When a relationship needs to be kept secret, it’s usually because it can’t withstand the light.
God’s design for relationships is never based on secrecy or casual use of each other. It is built on honor, integrity, mutual respect, and clear intention.
Sneaky links reduce people to mere experiences rather than recognizing their worth as individuals created in God’s image. Over time, this can harm not only your relationships with others but also your view of yourself and your walk with God.
Instead, we are called to walk in the light—living in a way that is open, honest, and aligned with God’s truth.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. — Ephesians 5:11
So what do all of these terms reveal? When you step back and examine them, a pattern becomes clear: fear of commitment, fear of rejection, and the desire for connection without accountability. We seek the benefits of relationships without the vulnerability that comes with them.
God calls us higher, not to confusion, games, or half-measures, but to clarity, integrity, and intentional love.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world…— Romans 12:2
These terms might be new to some of you, but the desire behind them isn't. People still want to be chosen, valued, and deeply known. The question is: will we follow culture… or lead with Christ?
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles, whether for individual study or the group workbook. This study explores why relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, and friendship across all types of relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, and friends. It also addresses intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, as well as intentional dating and engagement. The workbook provides access to our leadership guide.
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