Accept Her Past or Run From It?
by Kris Swiatocho
QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who is committed to putting God first and seeking His will for our future together. However, she has a challenging past that includes promiscuity and abuse, which has resulted in her having a permanent STD. While I feel conflicted about continuing the relationship, I also recognize that if she’s truly repentant, there is potential for growth and healing for both of us. Her past weighs heavily on my heart, but I want to focus on the person she has become. Should I embrace our time together and trust that God will guide us, or would it be wiser to part ways and seek a different relationship?
It takes immense courage to write about and seek help on such a sensitive subject, and I genuinely appreciate your willingness to open up. Your concern shows how much you care, and that’s a valuable trait. You’re right that, through the blood of Jesus Christ, she has been forgiven of her past mistakes—just like we all have been. Still, it’s essential to acknowledge that our past actions can sometimes have consequences that we encounter in our present lives.
Every relationship comes with its own set of challenges and deal-breakers—issues that can significantly impact the bond between you and your girlfriend. As you consider your future together, it’s essential to reflect on some key questions. For example, will she be comfortable if you choose not to have children? Would she be open to joining your church or denomination? How does she interact with your family? What about her financial situation? These are just a few of the many topics that may arise as your relationship deepens and potentially moves toward marriage.
Note: We have included 650 questions in the back of our Bible study, Intentional Relationships for Singles, to help you learn more about each other, from friendship to marriage.
I understand that her past may weigh heavily on your heart. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions about it. When you reflect on her previous experiences, think about what specifically troubles you. Are you worried because you empathize with her pain? Or are you anxious about the implications of her past? It’s completely reasonable to be concerned about potential risks, such as other STDs she may not even know about or how her history might affect your future together, especially in terms of family planning or health.
Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge when something feels like more than you can handle. You deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationship. However, if you find yourself falling in love with her and believe she is meant to be in your life, it’s essential to embrace her as a whole person, imperfections included, just as Christ loves us all.
I encourage you to seek out information about the disease and the precautions that can help prevent further complications. Openly sharing your feelings and fears with her will foster honesty and strengthen your connection. Trust in God’s guidance as you navigate this journey together, knowing that you are both deserving of love and understanding as you move forward.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
QUESTION: I am in a relationship with a Christian girl who is committed to putting God first and seeking His will for our future together. However, she has a challenging past that includes promiscuity and abuse, which has resulted in her having a permanent STD. While I feel conflicted about continuing the relationship, I also recognize that if she’s truly repentant, there is potential for growth and healing for both of us. Her past weighs heavily on my heart, but I want to focus on the person she has become. Should I embrace our time together and trust that God will guide us, or would it be wiser to part ways and seek a different relationship?
It takes immense courage to write about and seek help on such a sensitive subject, and I genuinely appreciate your willingness to open up. Your concern shows how much you care, and that’s a valuable trait. You’re right that, through the blood of Jesus Christ, she has been forgiven of her past mistakes—just like we all have been. Still, it’s essential to acknowledge that our past actions can sometimes have consequences that we encounter in our present lives.
Every relationship comes with its own set of challenges and deal-breakers—issues that can significantly impact the bond between you and your girlfriend. As you consider your future together, it’s essential to reflect on some key questions. For example, will she be comfortable if you choose not to have children? Would she be open to joining your church or denomination? How does she interact with your family? What about her financial situation? These are just a few of the many topics that may arise as your relationship deepens and potentially moves toward marriage.
Note: We have included 650 questions in the back of our Bible study, Intentional Relationships for Singles, to help you learn more about each other, from friendship to marriage.
I understand that her past may weigh heavily on your heart. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions about it. When you reflect on her previous experiences, think about what specifically troubles you. Are you worried because you empathize with her pain? Or are you anxious about the implications of her past? It’s completely reasonable to be concerned about potential risks, such as other STDs she may not even know about or how her history might affect your future together, especially in terms of family planning or health.
Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge when something feels like more than you can handle. You deserve to feel safe and secure in your relationship. However, if you find yourself falling in love with her and believe she is meant to be in your life, it’s essential to embrace her as a whole person, imperfections included, just as Christ loves us all.
I encourage you to seek out information about the disease and the precautions that can help prevent further complications. Openly sharing your feelings and fears with her will foster honesty and strengthen your connection. Trust in God’s guidance as you navigate this journey together, knowing that you are both deserving of love and understanding as you move forward.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.
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